Waves

I love the ocean. I love looking at its vast expanse and wondering how it's possible that so many things live in its depths. I love listening to it crash loudly on the shore, asserting its awesome power. But most of all, my trips to the beach consist of being in awe of God. Most people go to the beach to enjoy the sun and play in the water, I am quite the opposite. I go to the beach when I am having a hard time. I go to run until I can't feel my legs, I go to sob uncontrollably, I go to shout. Lately I go because I have these nagging doubts that seem to want to consume me. I go to remind myself that if God can create huge expanses of ocean, with thriving life beneath its shores, than surely He desires to have a plan and purpose for me. Surely He can calm these nagging doubts that seem to swallow me whole.

I will be the first to tell you that I do not have it all together. I am judgmental, selfish, over-bearing, driven to a fault, I am opinionated and set in my negative ways. And on and on the list goes. To top it all off, I doubt God often. I know it's not the standard to go around as a missionary admitting that I doubt God, but I do sometimes. Sometimes I think it's incredibly absurd to believe that stories like David and Goliath, Lazarus, and Daniel and the lions actually happened. I think it's strange to believe in someone I can't see. And don't even get me started on Revelation, I mean beasts with twenty eyes and four heads, what in the world?

But then I think back to the ocean and the mountains and the human body, held in this extremely fragile, yet tough state. Those things are just as big of mysteries wrapped in miracles, unexplainable really. Or hearing stories of cancer disappearing, people dying and then suddenly coming back, and money showing up in mailboxes when you need it the most.

Faith is the complete trust and belief in someone or something. I don't know why, but my doubts, that come from my human inability to wrap my mind around everything, seem to rouse my faith. They seem to bring new hope, new desire, new passion. Which are all things I need at the beginning of the year.

Normally, I hate the beginning of the year, while most people see it as a time to make resolutions and set goals, I tend to want to cower in the corner. Although 23 years is not all that old, I feel like the last few years have aged me. They have been difficult, painstaking even. I know it's impossible to expect to live in a state of flowers and roses but I guess I would have liked a few more rainbows and unicorns rather than a broken heart and uncertain steps.

Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe this is what life entails....this is what I have been wrestling with as of late. Seeking God for some truth and understanding in the matter.

Well, to transition into what I have been up to, it has been a hectic wrap up to the year. The last time I wrote was in October and it was then that I was in Salem, Oregon helping staff RescueNet's annual training course. I was blessed to be able to teach the medical part of the course, which was incredible! Not only was it amazing to teach something that I love, but it really helped solidify the material for me.

In November, I moved into a new community house as we had some staff finish up their commitments and move on. So now all of of us single people fit into one house! It is fun to be able to spend more time together, we have quite a fun group! Representing Colorado, Texas, North Carolina, Finland, and Holland, there is never a dull moment! We also are a pretty crafty/artsy group so it's fun to be able to come home everyday to someone's amazing project lying all over the floor! Also these people really love God and have such a huge heart to serve and bless others, they teach me new things every single day.

Now we are here ready to kick off our January DTS (Discipleship Training School) on Sunday. We have students from all over the world coming in which always brings new life and fun to the base!

Things are still going well with RescueNet, I am currently working on getting my uniform and equipment purchased so that I am ready to deploy with the team when the next disaster hits. Please be praying that I would be able to have the finances quickly so that I am ready and not scrambling at the last minute to get all of that sorted out.

Finally I wanted to say that I appreciate you guys, I am blessed to hear about your travels around the US and the world doing outreaches of all sorts. I am also blessed to hear cool stories of God using you in your family or workplace to share His love and goodness. Keep em coming!

RescueNet Course

I am sitting at the YWAM base in the beautiful state of Oregon. It is my first time to Oregon and I am loving the chilly rainy weather! I know, I know most of you probably think I'm crazy, but October is Pismo's warmest month. I feel like since living there, I have not experienced a true fall season in awhile, so I am soaking it up.

I am here in Oregon because RescueNet is running their yearly training course. This is, in fact, the same course that I did last October in San Francisco. The difference this time is that I am now a staff member, meaning that I am involved in helping teach, run scenarios, and love on the new students that have come with ready and willing minds to learn. As you know, this also is the second phase of my certification process, meaning that after this I can officially deploy with the team.

I am really excited for this course because it combines all of my passions into one. The love of medical mix with the love of God and the love of the community that comes out of the team setting. It really makes me come alive.

You may remember from my last post, that I was asked to teach the medical aspect of the course. This is two solid days of teaching and labs. I know my family would say that listening to me talk for 10 hours a day is like nails on a chalkboard, so I would love your prayers over my time here. This is the first time I have ever taught on this subject, and also the first time I have ever spoken about anything for this length of time. I am feeling the weight and responsibility of my role, and am beginning to get anxious as my teaching days approach. Not to mention, most of the course participants are older and have more training than me. But then I was reminded that God loves using the under qualified and the weak. I want that truth to wash over me, to sink into my very core. Because who am I apart from God anyway?

I would love your prayers over the coming two weeks as the course begins on Sunday and goes for two weeks. My teaching days are on Wednesday October 12 & Thursday October 13 basically all day, so I would really appreciate your prayers specifically then. Also just for protection against sickness, injuries, equipment breaking, or division amongst the team. Your prayers really do make a difference and I am so grateful for them, so thank you in advance!

If more specific things come up I will update you throughout the course, if not, I will send out an update as soon as I return home at the end of the month. Love you all!

Sirens, Stethoscopes, & a Girl

It has taken me a few weeks to regain composure as I have been settling back into normal life. Every time I sit down to write a blog, I get antsy, lose all creative drive, and am at a loss of words as to how to explain the last two months. Those of you that know me well know that I am rarely at a loss for words. It seems that in the seasons that God is doing deep change in me, I retreat back into my head trying to sort out what in the world He is doing. For those around me, these seasons are never fun because I am usually in a mood. Hopefully my mood will not escape from my mind to my fingers as I type.

Do you know those moments when you hear a song, see a landscape, have a good conversation, where your heart feels as if it could not possibly be any fuller? Those moments that heaven and earth collide and you laugh in the middle of a store, cry at the most inopportune moment, and dance and hope that no one's watching? I find myself living for those moments, they are the things that bring me that unquenchable passion that no one would squelch. It's times like that where I feel as if God is actually holding my hand and laughing with me. It's those times that I catch a glimpse of what it means, in scripture, where it talks about Him delighting over me. And then reality hits through a ridiculous driver, an unexpected bill, a day where you feel like if you disappeared no one would notice. And then I'm reminded that when my world comes crashing down around me I have a choice, to be burdened or be free. It's never an easy choice, one that I will wrestle with for the rest of my life, but it's a choice nonetheless.

I have been living between these two worlds for the past two months, learning to find peace and solitude in the most loud, obscene, and dirty places. As you know, I packed up and headed to San Francisco, in June, to embark in a five week EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) school. It was five of the most incredibly challenging and amazing weeks of my life. I made it through many painfully long nights of studying, many long days of classroom time learning skills, human processes, ridiculously long words, how quickly I could bond with a group of random people, and saw how extremely fragile the human body is and how God truly holds our next breath in the palm of His hand.

Living in San Francisco itself was also incredibly different than anything I've ever experienced. I have only ever visited for short periods of time, so to call it home was a completely different feeling. I adapted quickly to walking everywhere, carrying pepper spray in my pocket, and finding the creativity of God in the diversity of His creation. Honestly, I loved it, it was hard to say goodbye.

There are a hundred different stories I could share about the school itself, but to spare my fingers and your brain I will only highlight a few. The first being that through my time on the streets of a big city, I began to realize that I have put God in yet another box. He has been showing me that missions is so different than the four walls I have placed it in. Missions conjures up visions of distant lands, naked people, and poorly dressed missionaries for more than just me I am sure. But what if missions was merely us bringing the kingdom to those around us no matter where we are? I don't need the fancy title of missionary to do that. I know, it sounds so basic, but God has been really rocking my world with this one lately, all because I took off my YWAM hat and traded it in for a navy blue uniform and stethoscope for five weeks.

As you can imagine, emergency medicine is a very personal field that brings you into peoples' homes when they didn't clean beforehand, it exposes skeletons in people's closets, you being the first spectator to their secrets, and it brings an extreme vulnerability, letting us see and hear things they would be mortified for anyone else to know. And when you can bring the peace and love of Christ with you as you walk in their door, really amazing things can happen.

During my school I had the chance to do shifts in both the hospital and on a fire truck and have continued to do more ride alongs since. Every time I am struck by how God can use me, a rather loud, opinionated, and paranoid girl, to bring His peace to those that are in some of their most fearful and painful moments. All I know is that it has nothing to do with me, it's all Him.

I suppose I should also tell you that I did complete the course, graduating as joint valedictorian (don't ask me how that happened, God totally deserves credit for that one), and am both a nationally and California state certified EMT. I even have an ambulance driver's license (yeah I know, scary).

So what does this all mean for me now? I am back in Pismo Beach with YWAM, still working with Project Sixty-One and RecueNet, also doing base related work. I am also working on getting a weekly volunteer opportunity set up with local ambulance company. This way I can keep my skills fresh and also be able to build relationships with people in the community. What does this mean for me in the future? Well, God is stirring some things in my heart that I am still praying about, more to come on that in the near future.

On another note, next month I will be spending about three weeks in Salem, Oregon with the RescueNet team. We will be heading up another disaster relief training course for those that are interested in joining the team. This will also serve as my completion of Phase II of my training, leaving me ready to serve on deployments starting in November. I have been asked to teach the medical portion of the course which will be about two days worth of teaching. I am really excited about this but nervous as this will be one of the longest teaching times I have ever been a part of. Also this will be my first time teaching on medical topics, so I would really appreciate your prayers while I am preparing. I will keep you updated on my progress as the course approaches and let you know more specifically how you can be praying for me during my actual teaching time.

Finally I wanted to thank those of you that helped send me to this EMT school, it was extremely valuable and life changing and I appreciate your investment in me. Also thanks to those of you that helped cover my hospital bill, it was covered in full and paid on time because of your promptness and willingness to give!

Hospital Bill

I have both a quick prayer request and financial need to bring to you. I will get right to the point as to not waste your time reading some long explanation.

Last year in November I got a virus around my lungs called pleurisy. Basically it's where the lining that surrounds your lungs get inflamed. At the time I thought I had pneumonia and was having trouble breathing to I went in to the ER. Well of course they sent me on my way feeling better but with a hefty bill of $4000. As I don't have insurance, I applied for assistance with the hospital and they lowered my bill to $421.84.

I called again and told them that I couldn't afford to pay this amount still but the only thing they can do for me is to put me on a payment plan.

So I would like to ask you to help me cover this amount. Of course because it came at the time of me being away from home and at school it is another stress to add to my current worries. So if you would be able to help me financially for this I would really really appreciate it. To donate you can do the following:

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & hospital bill

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" & hospital bill
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

Thank you so much for your willingness to give!

The Time Has Come

The time has finally come. On Monday I am boarding a train to San Francisco to embark on something I have always wanted to do but never thought would would happen. I am starting my EMT school and am excited and scared all at once. Please be keeping me in your prayers over the coming weeks.

The past three weeks have honestly been a nightmare, you know that feeling that you get when you can't reach the surface? Drowning, that's exactly what I feel like. I am overwhelmed with the prospect of this school, with my financial situation, and with my life in general. Thank goodness for family that is so loving and supportive, because without them, this would probably be the 1000th time I would have thrown in the towel and called it quits.

But then I am reminded that I don't have to stay in this place, that despair is a choice. I am in love with someone who is far greater at problem solving, mending hearts, restoring broken things, and providing than I ever could be. I can't believe someone loves me enough to wait patiently while I remember that He is the only one that could ever handle any of this anyways.

I have struggled with the fine line of brokenness. On one hand I think it's healthy to be broken because it's in my weakness that His strength comes, but on the other hand, wallowing in anything is not healthy. And so I walk the tight rope of the two, being comfortable walking through pain, but knowing when it's time to rejoice.

I love how people throughout the scripture would build an alter, not only was it a place of sacrifice to God but it was also a place of putting to death sin and shame and moving forward. I'm tired of looking back, so here in your presence I am building an alter. Moving forward and being free of the past.

Anatomy?...Yes Anatomy

It is finally here, school that is. For months now I have been eagerly awaiting the start of my EMT Bootcamp in San Francisco and it is just around the corner starting on June 23. Let's just say I am a mixed bag of emotions, everything from incredibly excited and eager to learn all the way to stressed and frantic thinking about how much studying I will be doing in such a short period of time. I have had many a mental image of words going in one ear and out the other, simply because my brain is so full already.

It was recommend that I get the 1500 page textbook beforehand and read and take notes on it in it's entirety before the class begins. Why you may ask? Well because I am doing the bootcamp style of this class, so what you normally learn in a 16 week semester I am learning in five weeks. I will be in class from 8:30am-5:30pm Monday thru Thursday and will have the weekend to take tests, put in hours in the classroom logging skills practice time, and doing my hours required in the emergency room and ambulance.

But as I am a rather stubborn woman, the challenge brings excitement, and as I must remind myself, "I can do all things in Him." For those of you that are maybe just tuning in to my life. I am taking this course to help broaden my skills set for RescueNet, the international disaster relief team that I am a part of. The class will also give me more knowledge that will help me be able to facilitate medical outreaches through Project Sixty-One. So it is an investment into the ministry that I am doing both here at YWAM Pismo Beach and YWAM as a whole.

I am excited to report that the finances for the school and for my lodging at YWAM San Fran did come in but I will be living very tight while trying to manage my bills at home and in San Fran. If you would like to give a special gift that would help towards managing these bills, would you please do the following:

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & what you would like your donation to go towards (ie. EMT School)

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" and the area you want your money designated (ie. EMT School)
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

Also your prayers during the next couple of months would be greatly appreciated. I know that on my own strength this school is nearly impossible, but with reliance on God, is achievable!

In other news, my outreach to Guatemala was amazing! God taught me so much more about leading teams and a ton about what it looks like to facilitate a medical outreach. Let's just say my hat goes off to Bob & Linda Vomaske and their leadership during this outreach, because I can see just how big of an undertaking it was. Much much different than leading youth groups and young people, so it was a very valuable learning experience for me!

I ended up working in optical most of the time, bouncing in and out of dental when I had the chance. It was such a blessing to be able to help people see, some for the first time, clearly. My favorite story was this sweet old woman who needed glasses. So when the glasses were finished I put them on her face and she started grinning ear to ear. She told us that she hadn't been able to walk to church for some time because she couldn't see and now, with the help of her glasses, she would be able again.

Although we had many success stories, we also had an equal amount of tough encounters with people. They thought we were there to fix all their problems and it was hard to explain that due to lack of equipment or expertise we couldn't do anything for them. And so it was in these moments that my heart was broken for the nations again and I was back on my knees thanking God that He has blessed me with so much and asking how I can take what I have and go serve others.

In total the clinic was able to see 1150 people, which blows my mind. The church that I went with from Colorado has also invested ten years into this particular city in Guatemala. So they will be back yearly to do building projects as well as more medical clinics. It is cool to see the body of Christ commit to the nations in this way!

I want to share more about Guatemala, but as I am still processing the trip it is hard to put everything into words. So check back later for more stories!

I wanted to finish by saying a huge thanks to those of you that gave a special gift or gave a little extra in your monthly support to help me go to Guatemala and attend this EMT school. What a blessing to have a support team that is going with me on each and every outreach or school!

A Latin American Adventure

From Pismo Beach to North Carolina to San Francisco to Las Vegas to Colorado to Los Amates, Guatemala. This has been my life for the past month and half, and frankly I can't complain one bit! So often I marvel at God's ability to set things up in a specific sequence, but He's God so I guess I should pick my jaw up off the floor.

I have been living out of a suitcase during this season which is kind of fun, the down side being that bags often get lost in the airport or you open up your bag to find your shampoo has poured all over your entire wardrobe for that week. But that's unimportant, what is important is the heart stuff. After the news I shared with you a few blogs back, God has been refining me. Believe me I have a long way to go, but I am learning more about the human condition, emotions, and relationships than I ever really wanted to. But because God is good, He has told me more than once lately, that it's all for a purpose. He is shaping me to be a solid friend to others that walk through the same heartache, and He is developing my character past my selfish, lazy, and prideful self. So the times that I come up for air in between these conferences and outreaches, I am reminded that I am not the driver and His plans for my life are pretty incredible.

I was blessed to be able to spend a week with my RescueNet family at our North American headquarters in Las Vegas. We had a good sized handful of us come from all over the US to join together in prayer and learning. It was a blast and a good time to get to know some people that I hadn't had a chance to before. I walked away knowing that God is using RescueNet not only in the YWAM community, but also in the professional disaster response community, which is a pretty incredible thing. I left Vegas with a renewed passion for RescueNet and an excitement for my next phase of certification which is helping staff the same training course I took last October. I will keep you posted on that as it is later this year in Salem, Oregon.

As many of you know, my next adventure happens tomorrow morning when I take off with members from Timberline Church, in Colorado, to go to Las Amates, Guatemala. I have had a chance to get to know these people over the past few days that I have been in Colorado and they are pretty incredible. We will be setting up a clinic in this village for the week where we will offer optic, dental, and triage. Not only will this be my first ever medically focused outreach, but part of the reason I am going is to learn how to set up, run, and lead this kind of outreach so that I can pursue medical missions with teams in the future with Project Sixty-One. I know God has some amazing things in store for this time and I am unbelievably excited to see Him blow me away!

I wanted to ask you all to be praying for me and the team while we are there. Please be praying for health, safety, good communication and bonding, a genuine love for the people of Guatemala, and that we would be a blessing to the community, bringing the love of Christ to the brokenhearted. I also have been asked to lead worship daily for the team and frankly I am terrified. My guitar playing isn't the most amazing thing at the moment, so please pray that God and the team would give me lots of grace and courage!

As soon as I get back I will write an update with stories and pictures, so stay posted for that!

Finally, I wanted to give you guys an update on the status of my EMT school. The finances have come in for the school portion, which includes all my equipment, books, tuition, etc. I am still in need of raising $500 to pay for my lodging which will be at the YWAM San Fran base. By staying there I save a ton of money. If you would like to donate towards this please follow the directions below. And I wanted to say a huge thanks to those of you that have given above what you normally give monthly and those of you that have given a special gift. It means so much to have your support and to know that you partnering with me in these things. The school is quickly approaching, I leave for San Fran on June 20th, so please be praying that I can continue to gain ground in studying the material before I go!

I gotta get running but I love you all and am so thankful to have you be a part of my life, even if you just read my crazy blogs! I consider that an investment in what I am doing, so thanks!

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & what you would like your donation to go towards (ie. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" and the area you want your money designated (is. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449