Waves

I love the ocean. I love looking at its vast expanse and wondering how it's possible that so many things live in its depths. I love listening to it crash loudly on the shore, asserting its awesome power. But most of all, my trips to the beach consist of being in awe of God. Most people go to the beach to enjoy the sun and play in the water, I am quite the opposite. I go to the beach when I am having a hard time. I go to run until I can't feel my legs, I go to sob uncontrollably, I go to shout. Lately I go because I have these nagging doubts that seem to want to consume me. I go to remind myself that if God can create huge expanses of ocean, with thriving life beneath its shores, than surely He desires to have a plan and purpose for me. Surely He can calm these nagging doubts that seem to swallow me whole.

I will be the first to tell you that I do not have it all together. I am judgmental, selfish, over-bearing, driven to a fault, I am opinionated and set in my negative ways. And on and on the list goes. To top it all off, I doubt God often. I know it's not the standard to go around as a missionary admitting that I doubt God, but I do sometimes. Sometimes I think it's incredibly absurd to believe that stories like David and Goliath, Lazarus, and Daniel and the lions actually happened. I think it's strange to believe in someone I can't see. And don't even get me started on Revelation, I mean beasts with twenty eyes and four heads, what in the world?

But then I think back to the ocean and the mountains and the human body, held in this extremely fragile, yet tough state. Those things are just as big of mysteries wrapped in miracles, unexplainable really. Or hearing stories of cancer disappearing, people dying and then suddenly coming back, and money showing up in mailboxes when you need it the most.

Faith is the complete trust and belief in someone or something. I don't know why, but my doubts, that come from my human inability to wrap my mind around everything, seem to rouse my faith. They seem to bring new hope, new desire, new passion. Which are all things I need at the beginning of the year.

Normally, I hate the beginning of the year, while most people see it as a time to make resolutions and set goals, I tend to want to cower in the corner. Although 23 years is not all that old, I feel like the last few years have aged me. They have been difficult, painstaking even. I know it's impossible to expect to live in a state of flowers and roses but I guess I would have liked a few more rainbows and unicorns rather than a broken heart and uncertain steps.

Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe this is what life entails....this is what I have been wrestling with as of late. Seeking God for some truth and understanding in the matter.

Well, to transition into what I have been up to, it has been a hectic wrap up to the year. The last time I wrote was in October and it was then that I was in Salem, Oregon helping staff RescueNet's annual training course. I was blessed to be able to teach the medical part of the course, which was incredible! Not only was it amazing to teach something that I love, but it really helped solidify the material for me.

In November, I moved into a new community house as we had some staff finish up their commitments and move on. So now all of of us single people fit into one house! It is fun to be able to spend more time together, we have quite a fun group! Representing Colorado, Texas, North Carolina, Finland, and Holland, there is never a dull moment! We also are a pretty crafty/artsy group so it's fun to be able to come home everyday to someone's amazing project lying all over the floor! Also these people really love God and have such a huge heart to serve and bless others, they teach me new things every single day.

Now we are here ready to kick off our January DTS (Discipleship Training School) on Sunday. We have students from all over the world coming in which always brings new life and fun to the base!

Things are still going well with RescueNet, I am currently working on getting my uniform and equipment purchased so that I am ready to deploy with the team when the next disaster hits. Please be praying that I would be able to have the finances quickly so that I am ready and not scrambling at the last minute to get all of that sorted out.

Finally I wanted to say that I appreciate you guys, I am blessed to hear about your travels around the US and the world doing outreaches of all sorts. I am also blessed to hear cool stories of God using you in your family or workplace to share His love and goodness. Keep em coming!