Worldliness

I was able to go to the YWAM North American Leadership Conference this past week in Estes Park, Colorado. I was able to see some of you in my brief stop at church which was really nice for me, it was a much needed time to be able to see some old friends! But anyways this conference is for all of the YWAM leaders in North America, there were many times of worship and speakers that really were imparting the vision that God has in the coming years for YWAM. It was very exciting and also good for me to be able to experience this organization on a larger scale. I know that often I forget about what the bases around the world are doing, and that we really are a part of one huge team. I want to share a little about what I felt the Lord speak to me, these were things that were hard for me to swallow which always is an indicator that I need to work on them in my life! My hopes is that by sharing this realization that it would be an encouragement to you, I hope these posts never come across preachy, because my last intention is to preach at you. They are more intended to share, honestly, with you what is happening in my own heart, and if that encourages even one of you, well then I would say God is good!

Jim Stier, the founder of YWAM Brazil, spoke over several of the sessions and was really challenging us in how we often are so caught up in the world that we lose sight of Jesus. This has always been hard for me, maybe it's because I'm young, because we do live in the world and because I believe that God created this world for us to enjoy. This line is often blurry in my path through life, and not in the obvious ways but in those subtle things. For example, in Galations 5:19-21 it says, "19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." Now of course some of these things are pretty straightforward but the things that got to me were jealousy, hatred, and discord. If I think through this I can honestly say that I do this daily sometimes without even thinking. Just today, I was driving and this old man cut me off, and my immediate thought was "how dare he." Did you know that the definition of discord is a disagreement among people? WOW, how many times in one day do I disagree with someone, probably too many to count! Moving on, next on the list is selfish ambition. Well I fail totally here, sometimes I pout because no said "good job on that project" or "thanks;" how often do I catch myself judging someone thinking, "if only I could take over that task, I could do it so much better." And then there's idolatry. That word just sounds ugly to me but when I think about it I often put things in front of God. Idol is defined as a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered. Well I greatly admire my job and I love my family and friends a lot, and I find I often put them before God.

Then this verse goes on to say that "those who live like this will surely not inherit the Kingdom of God." Here's what I have been realizing. Often I take statements like this lightly, now don't get me wrong, God's grace is an incredible and truly indescribable thing. I do not want to down play that in any way, but often I use that as my easy way out. I never weigh the seriousness of the consequence, I never stop to think how truly horrible it would be to stand at the gates of Heaven and have Jesus tell me that I missed the point. Can you imagine? You missed it, Jacque.

Of course we are not perfect and can never even come close to being perfect, and that's why grace is so important. But God calls us to "live holy and blameless lives," now He knows we cannot attain this, but He calls us to try.

This week I have been trying to take a step back and evaluate my attitude moment by moment, and the conclusion that I have come to is that I suck! But you know what we gain when we allow the Holy Spirit to work in us? We gain love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That is good news! And you know what, when we begin to taste these things again, our actions begin to be an outpouring of our hearts.

If you are like me, I can say that I forgot what it meant to be living the fruits of the Spirit. It took me hitting my knees and giving God my idols and my jealousy and my selfish ambition so that the Holy Spirit could have room in my heart again. I realized that I could never love Him and love others fully when I was letting those things take root in my heart, so here I am taking it moment by moment knowing that I will fail, but God loves me incredibly regardless. He is there to pick me up, dust me off, hold my hand, and say "Let's try again Jacque."

I know this next thing is kind of an akward switch of gears but I have a need that I would like to share with you guys and I'm sure you don't want a barrage of emails from me! As you well know I live on monthly support, much of which comes from you guys. It is so awesome to see how God continues to use you guys in this partnership, I am blessed beyond words and am so grateful for you.

I recently had several supporters let me know that they would no longer be able to support me due to some financial difficulties, so I wanted to present this to you guys and ask if you would prayerfully consider supporting me on a month to month basis. I am in need of finding one or several people who would be able to fill that $125 amount per month. If this is something that you would be interested in feel free to email me at Jacque17lyn@aol.com. Thanks so much you guys, I will keep you updated on God's provision in this area!

Who Am I To Judge...

So this post is very long overdue but I have lots to fill you guys in on, so I'm just going to get started! I had the opportunity to spend a little over three weeks down in Ensenada, Mexico this past month. The purpose of this trip was to be able to see how a long established base runs their Mission Adventure program. Basically it was an opportunity for me to get hands on experience with the program and pick the brain of the program director to see what things have and haven't worked over the years. It also was an awesome opportunity for me to spend tons of time in prayer over what ideas God has in store for the program here in Pismo Beach. As I was praying I felt God saying that He really wanted Mission Adventure's to have an Isaiah 61: 1-3 focus. This verse talks about preaching good news to the poor, binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming freedom for the captives, and releasing from darkness the prisoners. At the end of verse 3 it talks about replacing ashes for beauty, which I think so captures God's heart for His people; He wants to restore us, not fix us and send us on our way, but truly restore us and grow intimate with us. So my heart is to be able to provide an experience for the students that not only grows their relationship deeper with Christ, but teaches them about the commission that God has called us to, and equips them to free the captives and bind up the brokenhearted. I am very excited to be back and feel that I have gained even more purpose and direction for this ministry, which is very exciting!

On a totally different note, I have really been wrestling with some things spiritually that I would like to share with you. I find that when I ask God to stretch me, He never disappoints! I am almost scared to make this my prayer because I know that God always follows through. Lately I have been asking that God would really grow my heart for people in general, often I am so judgmental of people that it effects the way I perceive sharing the love of Christ with others.

One night in Mexico, we took one of the teams out to the red light district to pray over the street. As we prayed I spotted several prostitutes on the opposite corner and immediately felt burdened for them. I asked God if there was an immediate need I could meet and I felt like He said take the money you have in your purse and give it to them. I dragged one of my Spanish speaking friends along with me and gave this girl the money and told her that God loved her. As I walked away I felt like the biggest hypocrite. I was so willing to share Jesus with someone that was so obviously in desperation but then judge others who have a "put together" exterior. On the way home I sat in the back of the car and quietly cried as it hit me, Christ died for the woman that makes my coffee at Starbucks, he died for that Mexican prostitute, and He died for me. In James it talks about how He despises favoritism, and here I was picking favorites. So what is my point, my point is that God has called us to love Him and love others. He said that was the greatest commandment. And how often do we distort this, thinking that our mission is to correct others, know more about the Bible, do good things to gain favor in the eyes of the world, I know I do all the time. But He doesn't call us to be the judge of people, He just calls us to love them.